Unwillingly a Mary Sue
by Professor Caramel
Summary: Avery is trapped inside the body of her sworn fictional enemy: a Mary Sue. Being perfect in every way dosen't really float her boat, and Legolas trying to woo her at every moment is just plain pesky.
1. Extreme Makeover

_Avery_ _nearly_ _screamed_ at her computer in frustration. Why couldn't the Mary Sue authors be just a _bit_ more subtle? Must they write such blatant self-insertions? This was making her sick to her stomach. In disgust, Avery exited the browser window, in which there had been written a horrendous fanfiction story, worthy of being MSTed to the end of eternity. She _had_ just left a seething comment to the author, which satisfied her enough. For now. She flicked off the lights and collapsed into her bed.

---

Avery awoke with a _very_ bright light in her eyes. That was odd, since her bedroom was on the west side of her home, west being the side the sun didn't rise on. She blinked repeatedly, trying to clear her eyes of their temporary blindness. When they did clear however, she continued to blink, mostly in confusion, for she was no longer in her own room. Since this kind of thing didn't usually happen to Avery, it was a bit disconcerting. Where the _hell_ was she? It was a very grand room, that was for sure. The walls were a delicate ivory color, and there were trees growing right out of the floor! Elegant wooden carvings adorned almost every surface. A full-length mirror was hung on the wall. All Avery could do was gape openmouthed at all the splendor. It was all so regal… a bit too regal. Avery was a rather suspicious person, and when something didn't seem right, she began to feel a bit leery.

There was a knock on the door, which shook Avery from her thoughts. The door swung open before Avery could react, revealing a tall, beautiful woman. She had blue-black hair, and piercing sapphire eyes. Dressed simply in a forest green dress, and she carried with her another gown of a rich crimson, decorated with intricate gold embroidering. Before Avery could speak (or attack), the lady breezed past her, laid out the dress, and started making up the bed Avery had just vacated. After she was done, she smiled daintily, and said in a melodic voice,

"Master Elrond sent me to ready you for the secret council."

There were a few moments of silence,

"Master _WHO_?"

"Elrond." The woman repeated, peering at Avery as if she was demented. "Elrond of Rivendell."

Avery could only stare at her incredulously. Then she asked the question that had been plaguing her ever since the women appeared.

"Are you on crack?"

The woman seemed rather baffled at that question. Taking advantage of her silence, Avery continued to rant without waiting for her to reply.

"Even if Elrond of Rivendell really does exist, _which he doesn't_, why on earth would he want ME to join him at the secret council? And speaking of secret councils, if it's so 'secret', how do _you_ know about it? Why am I here? Where IS here? And don't give me that bogus story that I'm in Rivendell, because that's a fictional place." She continued, now more to herself than her bewildered companion, "Common sense tells me that I'm either dreaming or in a coma. Except when I pinch myself, it hurts like hell, so I _must_ be in a coma." Avery said this all in one breath, rubbing her arm in the place she had tested her pinch theory. Her mind was racing. How could she be in a coma? She didn't remember doing anything that would lead to becoming comatose. The woman was now backing away from her ever so slightly.

"Master Elrond wishes you to attend the secret council." She simply repeated, and turned to flee the room from the seemingly psychotic occupant. Avery shook her head, and only then did she catch sight of herself in the full-length mirror. There stood a girl with waist length hair, black as a raven's wing in color. Her face was creamy white, with features that seemed to have been chiseled out of marble. Full, ruby-red lips were set above a petite chin, and her eyes were a dazzling blue. And, to Avery's horror, the tips of her ears tapered into delicate points.

An earsplitting shriek could be heard, echoing across a picturesque valley, frightening several birds into flight.


	2. This is going to be a long coma

As Avery began to calm down she listed all the possible reasons for this physical change in her guise.

1. A plastic surgeon had taken pity on her for looking like such a total geek, that he gave her a complete makeover free of charge.

2. The plastic surgeon is actually an evil genius, planning to take over the earth (Middle or otherwise) with beautiful women as his minions, and she happened to be his first creation.

3. She had mutated into a Mary Sue.

The first two preferences seemed much more likely than the third, but for some unknown reason, she felt that maybe numeral three might be the correct assumption. Why else would she be feeling prompted to say the witty remarks that had started popping into her head all of a sudden? Or was the fact that she now knew how to handle a sword with skill just a coincidence? Doubtful, very doubtful. The question now was: What was she going to do about it? Ever since she had been introduced to fanfiction, she had sworn to herself she would never write a Mary Sue. Now she was stuck in the body of the creature she hated most.

The thought of suicide crossed her mind, but she quickly dismissed it. With no way of knowing if her actions in this place effected her true health or body, Avery was NOT willing to put an end to her life because of a Mary Sue.

She took another glance at her reflection and shuddered. This was REALLY not cool.

For a second time, there was a knock on the door, which made her start. It was the same woman. This time she had a wary look in her eyes.

"Master Elrond _insists_ that you attend the secret council." There was more urgency laced through her voice this time. "It shall start soon, and you are not prepared. You must change into that." She indicated the russet dress. Avery glowered, but complied.

A few minutes later, Avery was being led down spacious corridors. She was clad

in the dress, which fit her hideously perfect body like a second skin. The maidservant who had ushered Avery from her room brought her to a brightly lit terrace. There were people already sitting in chairs arranged in a circle, though some were just arriving, as she was. A tall man stood up from his kingly thrown and greeted Avery with outstretched arms.

"Princess Anamilliectrium." He smiled. "Welcome my niece."

Avery gagged, though he didn't seem to notice. Elrond, yes it had to be him,

waved her down to the seat beside him. Now the chairs were completely occupied,

Elrond got to his feet and started to speak.

"Strangers from distant lands, friends of old. You have been summoned here to answer the threat of Mordor. Middle-Earth stands upon the brink of destruction." Avery rolled her eyes. This was straight out of the movie! "None can escape it. You will unite or you will fall. Each race is bound to this fate--this one doom. Bring forth the Ring, Frodo." At this point, a small hobbit got to his feet. Avery caught her breath, for right in front of her was a small, slightly frightened, Elijah Wood. Or to be more accurate, Frodo Baggins. As she looked around the circle, she spotted more familiar faces. There was Gandalf, Legolas, Aragorn, Gimli, and Boromir.

As talk continued, Avery began to feel bored. There was a little excitement when

Aragorn and Boromir had their small confrontation, but that passed quickly. This was like a rerun of the Fellowship of the Ring, which she had seen many, many times before.

Letting her eyes wander, she spotted Legolas, who had been eyeing her. Meeting

her eyes, he gave a dashing wink. This did not affect her in the slightest. All her friends would become sappy and maudlin at the mention of 'Legolas Greenleaf', but all Avery could see was some pansy boy who just happened to be good with a bow. In return to his attempt at flirtation, she discreetly gave him the finger, just hoping it didn't mean some sort of compliment to an elf. He looked rather taken aback, so she absolved her concern.

Avery's attention snapped back as she heard Frodo's tiny voice declare, "I will take the Ring to Mordor. Though, I do not know the way."

Gandalf stood and said, "I will help you bear this burden, Frodo Baggins, so long as it is yours to bear."

Aragorn also rose to his feet and pronounced, "If by my life or death, I can protect you, I will. You have my sword."

"And my bow," Legolas ventured.

"And my ax." Gimli added.

Avery felt an elbow poke her in the ribs. Elrond was looking pointedly at her.

Avery sighed. This was going to be a very long coma.

"And my… uh," Avery faltered. She had no weapon to offer. Just as she thought this, Avery was startled as she felt a new weight added to her waist. Looking down, she found a magnificent sword in a scabbard that was tied firmly to a belt around her middle. Although she was generally repulsed at the appearance of the sword, Avery was also a bit secretly pleased. It _was_ a very nice sword. "And my sword." She hefted the weapon experimentally, not aware that everyone was staring at her oddly. Boromir snapped out of it first.

"You carry the fates of us all little one." He said to Frodo, "If this is indeed the will of the council, then Gondor will see it done."

"Heh!" A new voice called. It was Sam. "Mr. Frodo's not goin' anywhere without me."

"No indeed, it is hardly possible to separate you," Elrond said heartily, "even when he is summoned to a secret council and you are not."

"Secret? What's your definition of secret?." Avery muttered beneath her breath.

"Wait! We're coming too!" Merry and Pippin emerged from their hiding spots.

Avery grinned in spite of herself. They were, after all, the comic relief. Elrond looked fairly indignant at their appearance.

"You'd have to send us home tied up in a sack to stop us!" Merry said jovially.

"Anyway you need people of intelligence on this sort of mission... quest... thing." Pippin offered.

"Well, that rules you out Pip." Merry informed him. Avery turned her giggle into a very unladylike snort when she remembered why she was even here. For a few moments, Avery had forgotten she was a monster.

"Ten companions... So be it! You shall be the Fellowship of the Ring!" Elrond heralded.

"Great!" Pippin said. "Where are we going?"

All he met was bemused silence.


End file.
